Meet the By Ruthie with Dr. Michael |
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Scenario Number 7 At the completion of Scenario #6 several questions were asked as to what was learned. Everyone would have a different response. In this situation, we are still at the party described in Scenario #6. As you wander around, a lovely man approaches you. He is cheerful, pleasant, funny, about 6 feet 2 inches tall, 350 pounds, flabby, not muscular, single, and the right age. So what does that tell you? DISCUSSION Athletic men may be large, their weight and size fits their goals. This may represent a winning, hard-working person with healthy goals. Not so with fat, flabby balls of fat. Eating is a way of handling conflict, anger and anxiety among others. Is that what you want? Someone who has difficulty with anger, anxiety, conflict among other problems? Some of the other discussions may apply here, particularly Scenario #4. What does it mean that an individual cannot resist the pangs of hunger? It means that they have not built up the strength to deny themselves an immediate gratification. Look at infants. What mental age is that? Three months? Four? Six? Choose one. What is it like to live with such a creature? “Lets go, the movie is about to start.” “Oh no, I haven’t had my pre-dinner yet.” Etc. etc. It is said that fat people eat to assuage their anxieties, not due to hunger. What does that mean? That they have so many problems that they cannot conquer, each one occurring every day, all day? Do you want to get involved with someone with so many problems while there are so many relatively adequate people around? Obviously, not all fat people are the same, but at the same party there are certainly several better candidates at this party. So why not manage your time effectively and look for the top choices first? In a triage situation, should you choose to pursue the most problematic men at the party?
The above situation is a courtship event. In other situations, when you discover that the other person is possibly problematic while better potentials are near at hand, do exactly what the woman here did. Move away. Don’t explain or complain. They have been identified, face reality, grieve your fantasies and continue with your life. It will only get better. A note regarding appearances A lady is having a bad day at the roulette tables in Las Vegas. She’s down to her last $50. Exasperated, she exclaims, “What rotten luck! What in the world should I do?” A man standing nest to her, trying to calm her down, suggests, “I don’t know, why don’t you play your age?” The man wanders away. Moments later, his attention is grabbed by a great commotion at the roulette table. Maybe she won. He rushes back to the table and pushes his way through the crowd. The lady is lying limp on the floor with the table operator kneeling over her. The man is stunned. He asks, “What happened? Is she all right?” The operator replies, “I don’t know. She put all her money on 29, and 41 came up. Then she fainted.”
Obviously, this Scenario #7 above is overly simplified. The reason for this is to emphasize that the process of selection has specific goals. One must conserve one’s time carefully, not wasting a moment, not looking in low yield environments and not spending a second with an obvious loser.
In one particularly elegant establishment, a woman waited several hours before marching a few yards away from her friends to start a conversation with someone. After some time she returned to her friends and bemoaned her fate as this guy was not suitable for a long-term relationship. However, he was dressed in dirty jeans with a smelly, crumpled shirt while everyone else was in stylish ties and jackets. The quality was apparent at some distance. Many people look for prospective mates in low class establishments. Some say that all bars are bad potentials; however, often many fun-loving gregarious people are to be found there. The issue is quality places. Others will try to meet people at, say, a city chamber of commerce. If you join a committee, you get a chance to interact with others and learn what they are like before considering a dating arrangement. The same applies to various business unions. Voluntary organizations rendering service of some sort are full of very giving, decent singles. Some charitable dinners that are only crowded with established couples are not useful for the selection process. This entire issue is worth giving some thought.
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