Meet the By Ruthie with Dr. Michael |
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Scenario Number 11 Two girlfriends, Nancy and Alicia are at a table at lunchtime in a restaurant talking to a good long-term candidate. They were chatting at the bar when this lovely man Gregory began a conversation, bought drinks immediately and seemed to have all the finest qualities. When he stated that he played tennis, Nancy said that she heard that that sport produced the most injuries of all sports. Alicia remarked that she admired him for being in a gladiatorial adventure which is fun as well as great exercise. When he asked what they did for fun, Nancy pointed out that that is a personal question after knowing someone only five minutes. Alicia announced that she runs marathons and would love to learn to play tennis. This pattern continued on for about half an hour, whereupon he stated that he needed to leave for work. He asked both of them for their phone numbers so that they can continue talking another time at the same place which is near his workplace. After he left, Nancy admonished Alicia for being so complimentary, pointing out that it was a stupid strategy as he will simply be swell-headed and will look for prettier and wealthier women. Alicia did not respond. Now dear reader, several questions may be addressed: Which woman has been asked in every relationship to marry the fellow? Which woman has never been asked to marry? Which woman picks men who are stingy, distant and miserable candidates for a long-term relationship? Which woman selects men who are giving, warm and wonderful candidates? Why is this so? Which woman has great self esteem and confidence? Which one is unhappy with poor self esteem? What is the connection? DISCUSSION Nancy never compliments. Alicia always compliments.
Low self esteem people tear down themselves and others. They manufacture reasons to back this; however, there is absolutely no reality to it. The problem is that their way of interpreting is through a tear down filter; then they create absurd rationalizations to justify those incorrect conclusions. They give little and so receive little. The Never Complimenting Nancys make their men feel lousy and they forget about him immediately. They believe that if the man feels lousy about himself then he will settle for an inferior mate. No one asks Nancys to get married. The Always Complimenting Alicias make their dates feel good about themselves who therefore can’t wait to see them again. Everyone asks Alicias to marry them. These two types may actually have many similar characteristics. It is simply the way they put the data together. Al Capp, the cartoonist once had a series of two pigs, one you looked at and adored, the other you looked at and deplored. They were identical twins. He was referring to Nancy and Alicia. Once Nancy can see and actually feel the irrationality of her posture, she can convert to Alicia almost immediately, just like turning a corner. Gregory (GREat) called Nancy an hour later and asked to take her out to dinner that evening, adding that he couldn’t wait to see her again!
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